It’s 8:02 a.m. The baby is crying, the 3-year-old is melting down because her banana broke in half, and my 5-year-old is asking deep questions about death while putting on her shirt upside down. Meanwhile, I haven’t even peed yet. Welcome to the emotional tug-of-war that is mom guilt with three kids.
In a house with three tiny humans, there’s always someone who needs something—snuggles, snacks, socks (the matching kind, not the ones I grabbed from the laundry chair). And somewhere in the midst of all that, I’m supposed to meet my own needs, too?
Cue the guilt.
The Mental Tug-of-War: Who Gets Me First?
Here’s the hardest part no one talks about: You can’t split yourself evenly into three people. Someone is always getting more. Someone is always waiting. And no matter how present or intentional I try to be, I often feel like I’m letting someone down.
This usually sounds like:
- “She needed me to listen longer.”
- “I yelled when I meant to breathe.”
- “I held the baby too long and missed my toddler’s dance.”
- “I handed out snacks instead of hugs.”
And when you add ADHD to the mix—my daughter’s and my own—there’s an extra layer of chaos. The emotional intensity. The forgotten transitions. The mental tabs left open all day long.
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
But I’ve learned something important: Guilt isn’t always bad. It’s a sign I care deeply. But when it becomes constant and paralyzing, it’s time to reframe it into something more productive.
Why Mom Guilt Hits Harder with Multiple Kids
The guilt doesn’t just grow with each child—it multiplies.
Because now it’s not just about being “enough” for one kid. It’s about:
- Dividing your emotional energy three ways.
- Making sure the baby gets tummy time and the preschooler gets storytime.
- Managing your own regulation while co-regulating your child’s ADHD brain that feels everything louder, faster, and more.
It feels like a constant balancing act, and every stumble triggers that same question:
Am I failing all of them at once?
Spoiler: You’re not. You’re doing an impossible job with love and grit. But here’s how I’m learning to manage the guilt anyway.
1. Grace Over Guilt
This is my mantra: “Grace over guilt.”
I write it on sticky notes. Whisper it to myself after hard days. I tattooed it onto my soul after one particularly rough afternoon involving all three kids, a poop explosion, and me sobbing into a cold cup of coffee.
Grace says:
- You are allowed to be overwhelmed.
- You are allowed to ask for a minute.
- You are allowed to choose who needs you most urgently in the moment—and trust the others will be okay.
Grace reminds me that love is not measured by minutes—it’s measured by presence over time.
2. Emotional Regulation: It Starts With Me
When everyone’s needs feel like fire alarms going off at once, it’s easy to spiral.
So before I respond, I pause and check my emotional state:
- Am I dysregulated?
- Am I snapping because I’m hungry or touched out?
- Can I pause for one deep breath?
Sometimes the best gift I can give my kids is showing them how I regulate my own big feelings.
When I model calm (or even trying to be calm), they learn that emotions are safe, manageable, and not scary.
Here’s what’s helped us:
- A feelings chart hung low in the living room so the kids can point instead of shout
- A weighted lap blanket that everyone takes turns using (yes, even me!)
- Breathing games like “smell the flower, blow out the candle”
🔗 Our Favorite Feelings Chart for Littles with ADHD
🔗 Weighted Lap Blanket for Calming Sensory Input
3. Prioritizing in the Moment
Not every need is equal at the same time—and that’s okay.
It took me a while to learn that it’s okay to tell one child, “I hear you, I see you, I’ll be there in two minutes after I finish feeding the baby.”
In our house, we use a simple phrase:
“First I help [sister’s name], then I help you.”
This creates predictability and reassurance. And honestly, it helps me too—I don’t have to split myself in 18 directions. I handle one crisis at a time and give myself permission to move slowly.
4. Make Space for One-on-One Connection (Even in 5 Minutes)
Mom guilt with three kids hits deep. When I’m deep in it, I ask myself: When’s the last time we connected—just the two of us?
It doesn’t have to be a big event. It can be:
- A 5-minute cuddle on the couch while the others are watching a show
- Letting my 5-year-old stay up 10 minutes later for “big kid” talk time
- Coloring with my 3-year-old while the baby naps in the carrier
It’s these little anchor points throughout the week that add up and say: “I see you. You matter to me, too.”
🔗 My Favorite Baby Carrier That Lets Me Bond with One Kid While Holding Another
5. Calming Tools That Actually Help
Let’s be honest—when everyone is melting down (including me), tools matter. Here are a few calming items we’ve come to rely on:
- Sensory bottles: Simple, mesmerizing, and easy to DIY
- Kids’ noise-reducing headphones: For my daughter when the house gets “too loud in her brain”
- Mom’s calm corner: Okay, it’s the bathroom. But I keep lavender oil, a journal, and chocolate in there.
🔗 Lavender Rollerball Calming Oil for Moms
🔗 Kid-Friendly Noise-Reducing Headphones
Check Out These Posts Too:
🔗 Quiet Time Activities for ADHD Kids
🔗 ADHD Co-Regulation Strategies for Families
6. Talk About Guilt—Then Let It Go
I’ve started naming the guilt out loud. Sometimes to a friend, sometimes to my partner, sometimes to my journal.
“Hmm, I feel bad that I didn’t play with her today.”
“I felt like I was distracted all afternoon.”
“I feel like I yelled too much.”
Naming it helps. And after naming it, I choose to let it go. Because guilt should be a signal, not a sentence.
Final Thoughts: Guilt May Visit, But Grace Can Stay
Here’s what I want you to know if you’re living the same wild season I am: You don’t have to feel guilty for being human.
Your love is not diminished because you lost your temper, gave mac & cheese again, or missed storytime while rocking the baby.
Your kids don’t need a perfect mom—they need a real one.
So next time you’re buried in demands, feeling that mom guilt with three kids and wondering if you’re doing enough, remember this:
You are one woman doing the job of ten—with love, resilience, and probably unmatched socks.
That’s more than enough.
Disclaimer:
This post contains affiliate links. That means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through one of the links (at no extra cost to you). Thanks for supporting the work I do here—between diaper changes and snack negotiations!
