Okay so we all know the common sense answer to this. Get a crib, buy some bottles, save up some money for maternity leave. All of that is physical though. What about the mental prep or the emotional prep of having a baby? Bringing life into this world and having the privilege and responsibility to raise it. No one talks about that much. Well I’m here to do just that with you and give you some tips on how to mentally prepare for a baby. These tips are going to help you understand the type of parent you truly want to be, and help you work to become them.
Tip #1
Identify Your Values
Identifying your values will help determine your parenting style. What are the things that are important to you and your partner? It’s important to make sure that if you choose to become a parent with someone, that your values align. This is going to determine how you run your family, your traditions, how you choose to discipline, etc. It’ll also eventually become the foundation for your family, what you will come back to during tough times.
In my household one thing we value is speaking respectfully to each other. That goes for both my partner and our children. No yelling, or raising our voices. That’s never okay. When those things do happen though, we’re able to apologize and align ourselves back to our values. Our children see this. They learn from this and eventually these are the things that they too, will learn to value later on.
Tip #2
Be Okay With Not Always Having Control
We always want to take care of our babies. Make sure they’re good. That they have everything they need and that nothing bad ever happens to them. That’s impossible though. We don’t have control over everything unfortunately. We don’t have control over everyone they meet, or the things people may say or do around them at all times as they get older. This was really hard for me becoming a first time mom. In my case, I struggled a lot because language is very important to me, and not everyone spoke to my daughter the way I did, or understood why I avoided certain terms etc.
At some point though I had to let go and understand that I couldn’t control everything and everyone around her all the time. Like when she stayed with her grandparents. I could only do my best and hope she understood that not everyone will be like mama. I realized that the way I spoke to her as her parent and primary caregiver though, was most important. The most we can do is our part to teach them right from wrong. Teach them consent and respect. Also, teach them to trust us enough and to confide in us when things do happen. Understand and be okay with not always having control.
Tip #3
Understand That Struggle Is Necessary
This one is so important because it kind of flows with the second tip of not always having control. Struggle is necessary for growth in every aspect. From the simple moments of tummy time, struggling to lift their heads to build that strength. To as they get older, struggling to use a pencil or scissors to develop those fine motor skills. Struggling is part of life and as we get older the struggles get harder. Our job as parents though is to allow them learn from these struggles, instead of sheltering them or preventing them from having them. Being approachable and there for them. Helping them work through these struggles.
A perfect example is the toddler years. When your toddler is having big feelings of anger or frustration, are you shutting them down or giving into the tantrum? Or are you allowing them to feel, identifying and acknowledging those feelings, then helping them cope? Parenting is hard, but when we are able to understand some hard truths, we’re able to make better choices regarding our children and their experiences. Experiences that will shape them into more confident and capable young men and women. Many will have their opinions on this, and of course this is only my own, but I believe that allowing your child to overcome struggles in a healthy way, can only benefit them.
Tip #4
Recognize Your Faults And Do Better
This is the most important one. Tiny humans need connection, not perfection. As a parent you will mess up, you will say and do things you probably shouldn’t. You’ll say and do things you’ll instantly regret. It’s normal and expected. The way to break cycles though and do the things your parents maybe didn’t do with you, is to recognize those faults and flaws, apologize, and do better next time. Being conscious about these things and making it a goal to become the parent you needed, react with respect and compassion, and take it one day at a time.
There are so many things to consider when planning a family. Also, many ways on how to mentally prepare for a baby, but these tips you just read are realistic and can be implemented right away. They work even if you’re already a mom as well. They are going to help you build the foundation for your parenting style. These are things many parents don’t consider during their baby prep, but it’s a crucial step! What kind of world do you want to raise your children in? It starts at home, it starts with you. It starts with understanding what needs to change, the dynamic in which many of us were raised, and making conscious decisions to do differently. It’s worth it though, the world needs conscious mamas like us. Let’s do our due diligence, share these tips with more mamas to be, and keep learning and growing to be better for not only ourselves but our families.
This is great! So often we focus on the physical preparation when mental is just as if not more important.