Let Me Paint You a Picture…
I’m midway through cooking dinner, except I forgot to turn the stove on. My 3-year-old is flipping on the trampoline (again), my 5-year-old is asking me why clouds exist, and the baby is crying because, well, she’s a baby. This is parenting with ADHD when your child has it too.
I’m overstimulated, under-caffeinated, and the executive dysfunction is so real that I can’t decide if I should answer a question, flip the chicken, or cry on the floor.
Welcome to parenting with ADHD… while also raising a child with ADHD.
Double the diagnosis, double the chaos, double the need for grace.
I Wasn’t Diagnosed Until Motherhood
Like many women, I flew under the radar. My messiness was “quirky,” my daydreaming was “creative,” and my forgetfulness? “Typical mom brain.”
It wasn’t until I started seeing my 3-year-old struggle—meltdowns, sensory-seeking, impulsive energy, the works—that I started seeing myself.
Her challenges didn’t just remind me of me—they were me.
Cue the Google rabbit hole, a late-night cry session, and finally, an ADHD diagnosis for both of us.
And let me tell you: nothing prepares you for parenting a tiny mirror.
The Unique Challenges of ADHD x ADHD
You know those parenting books that tell you to stay calm, consistent, and regulated?
I laugh. Not because they’re wrong—because they assume you can.
Parenting a child with ADHD when you have it too, that’s not always an option.
Here’s what it actually looks like in our home:
- Impulse meets impulse: She throws a toy across the room. I want to yell. I know I shouldn’t. I do it anyway.
- Meltdown meets meltdown: She’s on the floor sobbing. I’m biting the inside of my cheek trying not to join him.
- Forgetfulness squared: I remind her to put on pants. She reminds me I haven’t finished breakfast.
There’s this weird dance of mutual dysregulation. We both struggle with routine. Both lose things constantly. Both feel everything big.
But There’s Also This Unexpected Bond
Because I get it.
I know what it feels like to be corrected constantly.
I know what it feels like to forget something again and want to scream at yourself.
What it feels like to want to do better—and not be able to in the moment.
So I offer her grace. And (some days) I try to offer it to myself too.
We’ve created our own rhythm. One that includes wiggle breaks, noise-canceling headphones, visual timers, and about 27 lists I probably won’t look at.
These visual schedule cards help my daughter and me remember our routines without me repeating myself 50 times.
What I’ve Learned About Myself While Parenting Her
She’s made me face things I spent decades avoiding.
- My emotional reactivity
- My time blindness
- My sensitivity to noise, texture, and chaos
She’s also taught me how much I’ve internalized shame. How many times I told myself I was “lazy” or “dramatic” when I was really dysregulated.
Watching her struggle—but fight through it—has helped me do the same.
Strategies That Save Us (Most Days)
Parenting a child with ADHD when you have it too is an art of trial and error, mostly error. But here are a few things that genuinely help:
1. Externalize Everything
If it’s not written down, it’s forgotten.
We use:
- Visual charts
- Dry erase boards
- Sticky notes on the fridge, the mirror, the cat (just kidding… mostly)
🛒 These reusable dry-erase to-do pads keep me semi-functional and let my daughter check off tasks too.
2. Timers Are Our Best Friends
Time blindness is real. I’ll say “5 more minutes” and suddenly it’s dark outside.
Timers help us transition with less yelling and fewer meltdowns. I even use a visual one for my own tasks.
3. Body Doubling
Sometimes we both need to get things done—so we do it together.
She picks up toys, I fold laundry. We call it “Mission Clean-Up” and add a spy theme. Makes everything more tolerable.
4. Prepping for Transitions
We don’t do well with surprises. So I try to give her (and myself) a heads-up with:
- “In 10 minutes, we’ll clean up.”
- “Two more turns, then it’s bedtime.”
- “After this, we’ll switch to a quiet activity.”
What I Wish More People Knew
People assume ADHD is just “being hyper.” But the hardest part isn’t energy—it’s the emotional regulation.
It’s the guilt. The shame. The feeling of always being too much and not enough all at once.
When you’re both the parent and the one who needs parenting sometimes, it’s exhausting.
But it’s also profoundly beautiful.
Because when I validate her struggles, I heal a little part of myself too.
I’m Not a Perfect Parent, But I’m a Present One
Some days we thrive. Some days I cry in the bathroom and let her watch Bluey for two hours.
(Yes, I wrote a whole post on screen time and why it doesn’t make me a bad mom. Go read it if you’re guilt-scrolling.)
But every day, I’m here. Trying. Repairing. Regulating. Loving her fiercely—even when I’m running on empty.
And that matters.
Tools That Help Us Manage ADHD Together
🛒 Noise-canceling headphones for kids – Essential for overwhelm days
🛒 Fidget toolkit – Helps us both during focus activities
🛒 Alexa or Echo Dot – Set reminders for tasks like meds, bedtime, and “drink water!”
I’ll be honest: sometimes these tools work. Sometimes they just make me feel like I’m doing something. And that’s enough.
To the Mom Who Thinks She’s Failing…
If you’re parenting with ADHD while raising a kid who also has it, you’re not alone.
You’re not broken. You’re not a bad mom. Not lazy or flaky or weak.
You’re strong in the way only a woman who packs lunches, survives meltdowns, and still Googles “how to regulate your nervous system in 5 minutes” at 2 AM can be.
Your child doesn’t need a perfect mom. They need you—imperfect, neurodivergent, trying.
That’s more than enough.
Affiliate Disclosure:
This post contains affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission—at no extra cost to you—if you make a purchase through one of these links. I only recommend things that make life with ADHD a little less chaotic (and trust me, I’ve tried a lot).
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