I always knew I wanted more than 1 baby. I also knew I wanted them to be close in age so they could be besties (hopefully). What I didn’t know was the immense amount of mom guilt I would feel going from having 1 baby to having baby #2! It wasn’t until the end of my second pregnancy, when the reality of my eldest not being my only baby anymore, truly hit me. As hard as it was, I loved everything about motherhood up until that point. I loved all the new milestones and experiences I had with my first baby girl. Those last few weeks of my second pregnancy though, I was an emotional wreck.
The Pregnancy With Baby #2
I would look at my daughter and just cry. Would I be able to make her feel loved enough? Would I be able to make her feel seen and heard? I felt this mom guilt everyday that I just couldn’t shake it. During my whole labor, delivery, and recovery, my biggest concern was how my eldest was going to react towards her little sister once we got home. How was she going to feel? Would she be happy? Was she going to be jealous? Would she be indifferent? I definitely didn’t want her to ever feel as if mama loved sister more. Yet I also didn’t know how that was going to happen once my partner was back at work and I was alone with both of them.
Bringing Baby #2 Home
All of that changed though when I saw the smile radiating from big sisters face the moment she saw her little sister. For the first time in a long time I felt like I had made the right choice, giving her a sibling so soon. I felt like I could breathe again, and I had a split second of maternal bliss. I had felt guilty for so long, so much so, it affected my connection with baby #2 the whole pregnancy. That was something else I felt massive guilt over as well.
Here we are though, 3 months into our mom of 2/ big sis little sis rodeo and I’m loving about 97% of it! Some days are really hard, I lose my patience, I feel touched out. Little sister doesn’t want off the boob while big sister just wants me to “hold it hold it” which by “it” she’s referring to herself. I find myself counting down the hours for bedtime. Other days we are out and about and I feel like a pro at this solo mom outing thing. One thing thats constant though is big sisters excitement and love over her little sister everyday.
Why You Shouldn’t Worry
So, here’s why you shouldn’t worry about that mom guilt. Every day, without skipping a beat since becoming a big sister, little sister is the first thing on her mind. It melts my heart to see how much she loves being her new role, and your baby will love their role as well. How proud they will feel when they can make them smile or laugh, and how accomplished they will feel when they help change a diaper. It’s the sweetest thing in the world. It’ll remind you of what you’ve given them, a friend for life. You’ve given them another person to love on and rely on and share experiences with for the rest of their life. A lifeline and a support for when mommy and daddy aren’t around. A sibling.
So mama, I just want to say that if you’re pregnant with baby #2 or even #3, and you’re suffering from mom guilt or are having any negative feelings about your little one on the way, you are NOT alone. Most importantly, you are NOT a bad mom for feeling or thinking this way. It’s valid as well as rational. Still, now that you’ve read this, hopefully you can feel a little less guilt. Give yourself some more grace in the next few weeks or months of your pregnancy. Allow yourself to feel excited and love on your first baby because even though things will be different, doesn’t mean they wont be better.