The truth about having ADHD and being a mom. Motherhood in and of itself is one of the most challenging things any woman could ever go through. For those of us with ADHD or any other type of mental disorders, can easily struggle even more. I know this firsthand being a mother of 2 with a recent ADHD diagnosis at the age of 27. Mental health is something I’ve struggled with my ENTIRE life. Can you imagine being diagnosed with depression at the age of 14. I didn’t realize how much the way I lived my life affected me until I had my second baby.
“This was when it all clicked for me”
Three months post-partum with my second daughter I spiraled into the worst post-partum Depression/ Anxiety I had ever felt. It was intrusive thoughts racing nonstop and dreading waking up every morning. All while having to try to care of 2 little ones, a home, and a partner. I could barely hang on. Luckily though I reached out and got some help through the online therapy platform Cerebral.
I was most concerned with managing my anxiety but after speaking with the Psychiatrist as well as taking a brief quiz, she told me there was a very high chance I wasn’t just a manic depressed post-partum mother, but an undiagnosed adult with ADHD. This was when it all clicked for me, the truth about having ADHD and being a mom.
So many of the questions I had as to why I made certain choices suddenly made sense. A weight was lifted off my shoulders! I didn’t feel “crazy” anymore. With this diagnosis I was able to look at myself in a new light. Learn to understand and step back instead of criticize and condemn myself.
“little I’m learning to love and accept myself”
It’s been almost a year and every day I still find myself mourning a little bit of the life I could have had. The mom I could’ve been, the patience I could’ve had. If only I could’ve reflected on my impulsive decisions a little longer. Instead I would just think “this is how I am” and dove into certain situations. How different would my life be. I wouldn’t change it though. I love my family, I love my life, and little by little I’m learning to love and accept myself more. Giving myself more grace. Especially when my daughter expresses those tendencies I was constantly condemned for as a child. I could never imagine making her feel the way I felt.
“…the stable mother they deserve”
The truth about having ADHD and being a mom is that it’s HARD. You’re not only battling with raising your children, but in a sense also raising yourself. You’re being challenged by your own children and you’re also challenging yourself on a daily basis. Trying to get through the day over stimulated by the giggles and screams of your playing children because you know they’re just being kids. Trying to control the impulses of quitting an activity because it’s not stimulating for you but your family is enjoying it.
It’s having manic episodes of productivity where you forget to each or drink for hours at a time. Then crash when it’s time to finally get back into mom mode and unleash it all on your kids. It’s a constant guilt for not feeling like you’re able to give your family the stable mother they deserve. While also knowing that those good qualities can make you extra creative and fun sometimes. Hoping that you’re making memories with your kids and not scars with your actions. All while trying to control your reactions. Questioning everything all the time. It’s exhausting.
I’m here to share the truth but I’m also here to let you know that you’re not alone. You’re not crazy and you’re not a horrible mom. It’s exhausting but exhilarating at the same time. ADHD can be crippling but it can also be a superpower. And that’s okay. It’s like riding a bike, it’s about learning skills to help you not fall. But when you do, dust yourself off, and keep riding. Keep learning about yourself and keep being the best mama you can be.